I love seasoning. I mean, I really LOVE seasoning. Food (and life) NEEDS flavor. Know what I mean? Of course, you do! Having a few “staple” spices on hand is important, of course, but you really don’t want to just stick with basics. At the very minimum, you want to have a good Italian Seasoning on hand, as well as a good Taco Seasoning.

But why make your own?

Good question! And I have two good answers for you. First, it’s more economical. Goodness knows there’s enough to spend our hard-earned money on, and those little store-bought packets are expensive for what you actually get in them. And second, you’re in control! You know exactly what is in your seasoning, there’s no preservatives or chemicals, you can adjust your salt intake, you can add a little more of this or take away a little bit of that based on your taste preference, and you can pronounce all of it! See? You’re in control.

Here is the homemade taco seasoning I’ve settled on, perfected to my family’s taste. Feel free to adjust any ingredient amount to make it your own. Go ahead, go crazy… you’re in control!

My husband travels for work sometimes. Occasionally we get to travel with him, but usually, my daughter and I stay home. During these mother-daughter times, we typically watch some TV (especially Gilmore Girls) or movies, hang out, bake, have a beauty night (this is generally a mud mask for our faces), spend lots of time in our jammies, and other fun “girly” things. I want her to focus on the fun we’re having, not the fact that she’s missing daddy.

Periodically there’s a sleepover… either a friend stays here with us, or she goes to a friend’s house for a sleepover. This weekend was the latter. She spent a Friday night with friends and BEGGED me to let her stay another night. She begged, her friends begged, it was a begging frenzy… so I said yes. I figured I could always use a little more “me” time, so while I was a bit doubtful, I said yes.

I left her at her friend’s house and came back home. It was a quiet day, uneventful, and blissfully boring. At about 7:30 PM, I decided it was time to get into my PJ’s, so I went to change. When I came out of my room, I heard the familiar “ding” that alerted me to a message from her. It read…

“Hi Mom. I sort of miss u too much and I wanna come home. Tell Miss H that I wanna go home. I miss u so much, that’s why. Please pick me up at 8. Please.” 

Gut punch… My response? “Okay, baby, I will.” I quickly went back into my room to change and I was on my way. When I got there, she was fine, but ready to come home. When we left, she said, “Thanks for coming to get me. I’m sorry I made you come back.” 

I told her, “You never have to apologize for wanting to come back home. You never have to be afraid to call me, or tell me anything.”  And it’s true. I want her to understand that she will never have to worry about being a bother or be concerned about how I’ll respond to her. If I make her feel that it’s inconvenient or trouble to deal with her, even with the small things, I know she’ll be less likely to want to come to me or trust me if ever she’s in trouble, freaked out, made a bad choice, or anything else.

I’m not saying I want to be her BFF, because I don’t. I parent her, I’m firm with boundaries, and I discipline her, but I always want her to know she can talk to me about anything. I realize there may be times that she needs (and wants) me to be a protector more than a parent. And I know that her trust of me with the big things is built up by the way I handle the little things.

We talk a lot about consequences, that actions have consequences (for good and for bad), and she knows that though there may be consequences to actions, there will never be a time that I don’t love her and won’t do what is best for her. But maybe there won’t be consequences at that moment. Maybe during some moments, it’s more important to make her feel safe, secure, comfortable, and loved, than to discipline.

In this particular experience, there was no reason to correct or discipline, but someday, there may be. And I never want her to be so afraid of me or the discipline, that she won’t come to me. I hope she will always trust me, that I am a safe harbor for her, and that even when I do have to discipline, it’s because I love her.

This parenting thing isn’t easy, and I frequently doubt myself. But sometimes, I know I’m not doing too bad… And I consider that a win!

We humans have a tendency to complicate things, don’t we? Maybe it’s because we don’t trust that something really is simple, maybe we’ve been burned by thinking something is simple only to find out there’s more to it than we thought, or maybe it’s because we just like to complicate things. Or maybe it’s just me.

When it comes to God, it’s pretty simple. When it comes to being saved, becoming a Christian, or going to heaven when we die, it is simple. All we have to do is believe, ask for forgiveness, and confess. Believe that Jesus is Lord, that He is the Son of God, who came to earth as a man, and lived and died for us, to rise again on the third day (as foretold by prophecy). In doing that, He defeated sin and death and made a way for all of us to belong to Him.

Like I said, pretty simple. But we tend to make it harder than it has to be. We create levels of sin, turn relationship (with God) into to-do lists, fail miserably at false expectations, and then get discouraged and wonder at our own lack of faith.

Yes, there are spiritual disciplines that will deepen our relationship with God, and we should make it a practice to do them, but we should do them with a willing heart. God wants us to want to pray to Him, to read His Word, and to spend time in worship.  He sees us and knows the condition of our hearts, and He loves us regardless.

When we feel like we fail as a Christian, it isn’t because God has made it so difficult. He hasn’t ~ actually, he’s made it simple. It’s up to us to keep it simple.

His grace covers us, His blood heals us, He loves us and desires a relationship with us, He’s alive and gives us hope for life (and afterlife), and all of this was done through an ancient instrument for torture…  the cross.

Yesterday I had a hankerin’ for something sweet, but not too sweet. And not too dense. And definitely not too rich. So I did what all of us do in these situations… I checked out Pinterest!

Pinterest, of course, did not disappoint. There were all kinds of yummy, easy, recipes to choose from. After a few minutes of drooling searching, I found what seemed like the perfect fit. And guess what? It was!

I grabbed Punky (my tween daughter) and had her help me. Actually, she did most of it and I supervised. She’s in learning mode, y’all! The end result was a new cake that was delicious, light, and fresh. It was a hit!

Easy Lemon Yogurt Cake

Easy lemon yogurt cake with added strawberries and whip cream!

As a young person, it never occurred to me that I would live in pain. I had always been healthy, energetic, active, and adventurous. I was vivacious, outgoing, witty, and the life of the party. As a young person, it never occurred to me that my health was a blessing, or that it was something that could change.

It just never occurred to me. 

The funny thing about chronic illness and the chronic pain associated with an autoimmune disease is that it starts out slowly. It’s a little here and a little there. It starts out small. It moves from location to location, until one day, it seems to be everywhere. Then you realize that you can’t really remember when it didn’t hurt, and you realize how much of your life is affected by it.  And you look back at the person you used to be and you realize you’re not that person anymore. Now you’re a person with chronic pain, limitations, and coping mechanisms. In your head, you’re still you, but according to your body, you’re a completely different person.

Living with chronic pain has definitely changed me. Though I typically smile, laugh, try to have a positive attitude, and do as much as I used to, it is not without cost. Some days are better than others, but I am always in pain. Some days are tough. Really tough. Daily (or nightly) I have to make the choice to have the pain, but not let the pain have me.  Yes, it has changed me, it doesn’t define me.

Every day is a battle, and I have to choose to prioritize what matters most. I have to say “No” more often than I like, and I actually say “Yes” more often than I should. My house isn’t as clean as I would like, and sometimes, it’s downright messy, because I just can’t do it all. I have learned to give myself grace, in this though, I no longer feel like I’m a bad mother and wife because of it. When you see me or read my posts, you probably won’t know how I really feel. I don’t talk or post about it often. It’s not because I’m trying to hide it, but rather because I’m choosing to do what I can to rise above it.

Pain has changed me in other ways too though. In my pain, I have become more compassionate and understanding of others, and less judgmental. I have learned to focus more on what really matters (love, family, memories, kindness, etc.) and let meaningless stuff (materialism, emotions, attitudes, thoughts, vanity, etc.) go. I am more aware that we all wear masks, everyone struggles, and anyone we meet can be fighting their own private battle at that time. In my pain, I have realized that kindness, love, and humility are more important that being “right.” I have discovered that praying for others helps me more than praying for myself. I have learned it’s okay to ask for help and to be honest if I’m not up to something. I have learned to be kind to myself. Most importantly, my daily struggle with pain has made me rely on God more, and myself less.

Yes, my pain has changed me. While I would prefer to not hurt all the time, it has made me a better person. And I’m okay with that.

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~ 2 Cor 12:9-10

My family and I just got back from an amazing vacation. Technically it was a business trip for my hubby, but he was able to take some extra time off making it a work-cation. We spent a wonderful 12 days together, visiting Colorado, Wyoming, and Montana. We got to see wildlife preserves, Yellowstone, a pioneer-living museum, drive the beautiful scenic Beartooth Highway, visit dinosaur museums, and more!

It truly was an awesome trip and the scenery was stunning. But… that’s not what I’m writing about here. That will be other posts, for other days. Today I’m writing about returning from our vacation. We were traveling back to San Antonio, from Billings, MT. It was a two-day drive. And for those two days, I felt sad, and a little bit lonely. It occurred to me that this happens whenever I’m off on an adventure. And then it hit me… BAM! I don’t get homesick when I leave my home, I get homesick when I leave an adventure. I get homesick when I return from travel. Because to me, home is the adventure.

I was in high school the first time I heard the term “wanderlust.” My best friend at the time told me it described me perfectly. It was true then, and it’s true now. I have always wanted to wander. I have always thought of moving, traveling, and sight-seeing as an adventure. It was exciting, seeing new things, new scenery, and especially getting into nature.

In reality, I’m a city girl, in that I grew up in Phoenix and have lived most of my life in major cities. But in my heart… well, that’s quite a different story. I’m a country girl at heart. I love wide-open spaces, and especially in the West. I love the beauty and majesty of the mountains. I love the prairie grasslands, the red rocks that decorate the west, and even the sparse and sometimes surprising beauty of the desert.

Many people value the security of a house and a good, stable job, and there is nothing wrong with that. But for some of us, that feels like a trap, confining and hopeless. To me, life is too short to be stuck in the same routine, same scenery, day after day, year after year. I’ve heard many people say they waited to follow their dreams, to travel and spend time together until after retirement. And sometimes that can work out well. But I’ve also heard many people say they wish they hadn’t waited because then it was too late.

Health and death don’t seem to care what our plans for the future are. 

I can’t travel as much as I’d like right now, and that’s okay too. We are doing what we have to do as a family, and that includes a regular job and a regular house. But that doesn’t mean I (or we) can’t dream about it. Because these feelings aren’t going away.

My dream, my goal, is to one day be able to live in an RV and travel. To be able to explore this amazing and beautiful nation. To meet new people and see new sites. To visit our national parks and historical sites. Will I get to do it someday? I don’t know. I hope so. It would feel really nice to not have to fight the wanderlust that tugs on me daily. In the meantime, I’ll just be here in my nice little house, living my nice little life, feeling wanderful!

The other day, as I was getting ready for church, I was in my nice walk-in closet trying to choose what to wear. I looked at my clothes, looked at my shoes, sighed… and grumbled. “I can’t dress cute, because I can’t wear cute shoes!” And once again, I was frustrated.

Along with a myriad of other health issues, I have to deal with a pretty bad case of plantar fasciitis. Meaning, my feet hurt. All the time. Badly. Sometimes I can barely walk. Gone are any type of cute footwear. No heels. No flats. No stylish little ballet slippers. And worse, no flip-flops! Whaaaaaa…

I used to live in flip-flops. Because flip-flops can be stylish, cute, and convenient. They are always comfortable, and they can be dressed up or dressed down. Add to that, I grew up in Phoenix, where flip-flops are a way of life!

For now, though, I have to wear shoes with lots of support, padding, and inserts. Mainly, sneakers. Which don’t go with a lot, other than jeans and activewear. To be honest, I’ve never been much of a fashionista, and I have never followed trends, but I could dress up and look pretty decent when I wanted to. I just never gave it much thought.

I have been dealing with plantar fasciitis for a couple years now, but it’s gotten really bad in the last year. I’ve had cortisone shots (yes, a shot in the foot… let me tell you, it’s something you won’t forget!), physical therapy, I do specific PT exercises, I soak my feet, take supplements, use essential oils and I have invested in a fancy foot massage machine. All of this to relieve the constant, and sometimes debilitating, pain. The most significant help though has been in wearing sneakers (or hiking boots, but who does THAT in the summer) with added inserts for plantar fasciitis.

Back to the other morning in my closet…

As I was looking alternating looking at my clothes, and looking at my shoes, and grumbling to myself, I had a strange thought override all that. It was like a whisper, but I didn’t actually hear it. The whisper said, “Be grateful you have shoes that help you to walk without pain.”

BOOM! Just like that… perspective. 

First world problems, huh? As I looked through my closet again, I realized how seldom I actually take the time or make the effort, to be grateful for the things in my life. Like many, we live a fairly simple life and don’t buy a lot of extravagances. We try to provide some niceties for our family, but we don’t have the latest or greatest anything. That’s okay though, it’s not important to us. Even so, we have far more than most of the world, and even many Americans. Like I said, first world problems.

The truth is, I have plenty of clothes and shoes (too much probably), and a nice home, that is safe, warm (cool too!), and dry. I have plenty of food, clean water, entertainment, and a family that loves me. I have it made, but sometimes I forget that. And I complain, grumble, and groan, because I get sucked into a “poor me” mindset. I forget that there are people out there who would love to have my problems because their own are so much worse.

After my epiphany (alright, let’s just admit it, it was a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit), I took a moment to thank God that I actually DO have shoes that help to minimize my pain, because many people don’t. Then I got dressed (wearing sneakers like I always do these days) walked out to my husband and proclaimed, “Today I am thankful for ugly shoes that allow me to walk relatively pain-free.”

I’m glad I received that gentle reminder to be thankful. That reminder that I am more blessed than I realize. That reminder that no matter what my day holds, how I feel, or what kind of storm I’m in, there is always something to be thankful for. Right now I am grateful for ugly (okay, maybe not ugly, just not “cute”) shoes.

Our lives are improved with gratitude. When we are grateful, we become the best version of ourselves. We aren’t focused on what is wrong, but what is right. When we live a life of gratitude, we are less self-focused and are more others-focused, and that my friends, is a beautiful thing!

The world today isn’t what it used to be. Crime is rampant and uprightness is lacking. Hedonism is blatant, while moral decency is obscure. Abuse is no longer a rarity, however, respect for others (and self) is. Human life has little value, while human trafficking does. Honor is scoffed at, but notoriety is desired. It’s almost enough to make a person give up hope. Almost…

While all of the above is true, the image doesn’t represent the whole picture. In the midst of all the bad, there is good. In actuality, there is probably more good ~  in people, stories, and actions ~ than there is bad, we just don’t hear about it as much. Or it doesn’t make as much impact. It’s not sexy and it doesn’t sell. That’s where it all goes wrong. We give too much attention, too much power to the negativity that abounds, and we really don’t see, let alone embrace, the good that abounds even more. If we will just change the lens we see life though, then we will see things differently.

Frequently we hear stories about bad people, doing bad stuff. You know, the ones who are disrespectful, dishonest, lazy, entitled, and even, downright cruel. We hear or read these stories and pass them on, sharing our shock, rage, sorrow, and righteous indignation, and we lament the deterioration of society. But we hear other stories too… stories of good people who behave in a way that makes us proud and encourage us. Stories of heroes, of bravery, sacrifice, and selflessness. There are stories of compassion, kindness, love, and charity, stories that give us hope for the future, stories that allow us to believe that maybe, just maybe, society will once again return to civility and honor.

We all have the opportunity to influence for good, every single day.

We influence our children, our family, friends, and coworkers; and we even influence strangers. We may not be able to control whatever is going on around us, or how others act, but we can control ourselves and how we behave, or respond,  in any given situation. How we act, or react, is an influencing force that has a ripple effect. Being compassionate, empathetic, generous, positive, and kind carries more weight than we realize. It carries more light than we realize, and it is that light that drives back the darkness. It is the light within us that produces the change we want to see.

Yes, there is much darkness, pain, and evil in the world, of that there is no doubt. But there is also goodness, kindness, compassion, love, and light. All of these are characteristics of God, and He has given them to us so that we might show them to others. Because He is in us, and in the world, His characteristics are here too. If we look for them, we will find them. If we find them, we can celebrate them. And if we choose to share these godly characteristics with others, they can experience them too.

Society can change, but we cannot change society.

All we can change is ourselves. We can be the change we want to see in the world and trust that our impact will make a difference, like the ripples in a lake when a stone is tossed in. As Christians, we are called to make a difference, but I think we often place too high of expectations on that calling and on ourselves. It doesn’t have to be a big, grand “thing” to make a difference, but rather its consistency with the little things that can make us agents of change. If we will rely on God, he will help us to do those little things consistently. Things like speaking life, showing love, being kind and considerate, showing respect and compassion, and offering grace, forgiveness, and mercy.

It is by remembering that our thoughts, words, and actions, can and do make a difference in life and that through them, we all have the power to be the change. 

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. ~ John 1:4-5

You have what? What is that? Yep, I hear these questions a lot. I understand because before two years ago, I hadn’t heard of it either. I have spent the last two (and a quarter) years learning about my chronic illness and trying to come to terms with my new normal. Some days I do better than others.

I always thought that I was pretty healthy. I mean, other than seasonal allergies, I seldom got sick. The only time I ever got the flu was immediately following the three times I was forced to get a flu shot (when I was in the Air Force). When I stopped getting the shot, I stopped getting sick! (Not saying it’s the same for everyone, but that’s how it is for me.)

When I was in my 20’s I began having neck and knee pain, though I didn’t know why. I hadn’t “hurt” them, they just hurt. In my 30’s hip pain, elbow pain, IBS, exhaustion, & migraines came along. I still didn’t know why I was in so much pain, and it just became part of my life. The weird thing was, it wasn’t consistent. All of it would come and go. Which also made it hard to treat.

My 40’s brought more pain and more exhaustion. There was also brain fog, heat intolerance, neuropathy, stiffness, weakness, heart palpitations, and more. It also brought a diagnosis. Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease.

Un… what? Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease, or UCTD, is an autoimmune disease that is unspecified. Meaning, it is a disease in which the immune system gets confused and attacks the body it is supposed to be protecting. It is unspecified because it doesn’t meet all the criteria for a specific disease, like Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren’s Syndrome, MS, and more. Each specified disease has certain criteria that need to be met before it is diagnosed. A person with UCTD has symptoms or blood work for one or more of the known autoimmune diseases, but not enough to receive the actual diagnosis. A diagnosis is made through physical symptoms and blood work.

Typically a person with UCTD has a tendency to lean toward at least one specific disease. In my case, I have symptoms or positive blood work for Lupus and Sjogren’s, but I don’t have enough characteristics of either of them to actually be diagnosed. So UCTD it is… for now.

Most autoimmune diseases are challenging to diagnose because not every person presents with the same symptoms, and because symptoms frequently come and go. The cycle of flare and remission makes it difficult to see the whole picture and thus get a diagnosis. In fact, the average time to receive a diagnosis for either Lupus or Sjogren’s Syndrome is typically between 3 and 5 years. And this is why I say I have UCTD… for now. It may stay this way and never progress further to one of the others, or it may develop into full-blown Lupus or Sjogren’s Syndrome. If the UCTD never progresses to another specified disease, then that’s what I have. It may get worse, or it may stay the same. Only time will tell.

So what symptoms am I experiencing? First, and foremost, the arthritic pain in virtually all my joints. Muscular weakness. Peripheral neuropathy. Dry eyes and dry mouth ~ but not like “normal” people get… I have no tears and frequently have to drink water as I eat to wash down the food. Exhaustion. Migraines. IBS. Brain fog or cognitive dysfunction (I think that’s the hardest to deal with because I remember when I used to be smart, sharp, organized, have clear thoughts and speech, etc). Heart palpitations. And… there is plantar fasciitis and diverticulitis, which may or may not be related.

So how am I? Basically, I’m a train wreck. I hurt all the time. Every single day. The only change is the location and pain scale. My hip and knees go out frequently (which is especially fun when navigating the stairs). The brain fog is the worst ~ I’m forgetful, can no longer read or speak well, can’t concentrate, and have great difficulty articulating a thought. I am exhausted, yet sleep poorly (vicious circle). I have to pick and choose my activities carefully because doing too much today guarantees that I’m out of commission tomorrow, and maybe even for a few days. So I rest, and I recover.

This is my new normal. And some days are better than others. I try to not let it get to me, but that’s not always easy either. I’m trying to be the best mom and wife that I can, and I’m blessed to have such a wonderful husband and daughter, who love me regardless of my abilities or limitations. Though my life (or health) is not perfect, I know it could be much worse. And I know God can still use me, I still have a purpose, and though I am weak, He is strong. Amen!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  ~  2 Cor. 12:9-11

Y’all! Can I let you in on a little secret? I made a discovery today. A delicious discovery. A seriously drool-worthy discovery. Sopapilla Cheesecake Bars. Oh. My. YUM! Have you had it? If not, you need to… It’s amazing. Truly AH.MAZ.ING!

My husband had to go out of town on a business trip, which he sometimes does. When he has to travel, I always try to make the time that he’s gone from us, fun, or special for my daughter and I. We do different things… picnics, hiking, pedicures, special dinners (or desserts), sleepovers, and always chick flicks. Well, today we were having a couple friends over (another mother & daughter ~ fun for her, fun for me) to hang out and watch movies. I thought it would be nice to have a special dessert for us all, so I did what any normal woman in my situation would do. I carefully scoured and researched recipe books went to Pinterest!

Ahhh… Pinterest… that magical place that you can find anything from the comfort of your recliner. Or wherever. To be honest,  I didn’t have anything special in mind, just something desserty. A sweet treat for a fun time with friends. I didn’t want anything “normal” like cookies, cake, cupcakes, etc. I really wasn’t interested in chocolate. And it had to be quick and easy. It didn’t take long until I found something that looked good… yep, you guessed it… Sopapilla Cheesecake Bars. They looked good, were easy, and just the right amount of sweet.

To be thorough, I did check out a couple of recipes to compare, but they mostly seemed pretty similar. Fortunately, I had everything on hand, so I decided to go for it. Boy, am I glad that I did! We all loved it! It really was pretty easy to make. In fact, that hardest part was to let it cool thoroughly before serving (did I mention how wonderful it smelled?).

This recipe will now be added to the lineup, because… YUM!

Ingredients:

2 packages refrigerated crescent rolls

2 (8 oz) packages of (regular, full fat) cream cheese blocks, softened to room temperature

1 cup white sugar

1 large egg

1 ½ Tbsp vanilla extract

1 stick (½ cup) of butter, melted

¾ cup cinnamon sugar (¾ cup sugar mixed with 1 Tbsp cinnamon)

Instructions:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees (F) and set baking rack in the center. Generously grease a 13×9” baking pan with cooking spray or butter.
• Unroll one can of crescent rolls and lay it in a single layer on the bottom of the baking dish. Stretch to fit the bottom of the pan, and pinch together any seams to seal. Set aside.
• Using an electric mixer, beat together the cream cheese, white sugar, vanilla, and egg, until well combined. Use a rubber spatula to spread the mixture evenly over the top of the first crescent roll layer.
• Unroll the second can of crescent rolls and lay it on a cutting board or silicone baking mat, stretching it to fit well on top of the cheesecake filling layer. Once again, be sure to pinch the seams together to seal. Pick up the dough and carefully lay it over the filling, covering it completely.
• Melt the butter and pour it over the top, covering the dough entirely. Evenly sprinkle the cinnamon sugar on top.
• Bake for about 30 minutes, until the dough is baked through and the cinnamon sugar has formed a crust on top of the dough.
• Allow to cool completely before cutting into bars. These are great make-ahead treats since they do have to cool. Be sure to store any leftovers (if there are any!) in an airtight container in the refrigerator.