Motherhood

Raising a Future Adult

/ Tracy / Leave a comment

Parenting Is...Parenting is tough. When we realize that while they are kids, we’re not actually raising kids, we’re raising future adults, it’s downright daunting. Usually, the right thing to do (in parenting and in life), is not the easy thing to do. Children are not usually others-centered, hard workers, responsible, or respectful naturally. These are traits that must be taught. And typically, the teaching process is not easy. They aren’t going to want to do the things that will teach them character, so if we don’t force them to, it’s not going to happen.

Raising future adults means parenting our children in such a way that we are mindful of the adult they will become. If we want our children to be persons of character, morally sound, hard workers, kind and compassionate, and others-centered, then that’s how we need to raise them. We cannot assume they will just magically become that way when they cross the threshold to adulthood.

Proudly Not an Expert

Now, I won’t pretend to have all the answers or solutions, nor do I claim to be an expert at parenting (or anything else for that matter), this is just an observation. It’s something that is at the forefront of my mind, as I go through this parenting journey. And it’s something that’s been validated by an event I witnessed recently.

Several months ago, I went camping with my daughter, and I caught a glimpse of the person she is turning into. And I was incredibly proud of my girl. The morning was spent making crafts, and in the afternoon, they engaged in field play. At the end of the session, another little girl became distraught because she lost the craft necklace she had made earlier. It was to be a gift for her mom. Within moments, there were dozens of people scouring that field in search of this missing craft necklace, made with love, by a little girl, for her mother. Sadly, it was not found.

The search was forsaken after a time, and the little girl was inconsolable. At that moment, I saw my daughter approach this little girl. I was near enough to hear her, and I figured she was going to offer the girl her sympathies, and she did… but she did so much more. She told her how sorry she was that she (the little girl) lost the necklace and that they couldn’t find it. Then she said, “I know you worked hard to make it for your mom and it was a special present.” Taking off her own necklace, she offered it to the little(er) girl, saying, “You can have mine to give to your mom. I know it’s not yours, but I don’t mind.”

I May Not Be Perfect

Wow, talk about a proud Mama! In that brief moment, I witnessed my daughter extend to another hurting person, the virtues of compassion, validation, love, and kindness. It was completely unprompted by me (in the same way that she goes out of her way to thank heroes ~ military, police, and firemen ~  for their service). With tears clouding my eyes I saw her clearly as the person she is becoming… a world changer. Yes, I have worked hard to influence her to be a young lady of character, I have taught her right from wrong and shown her how to think of and care for others. But it’s more than that…

It’s her… it’s who she is. She is called and purposed, as a daughter of the King,  to reflect His light, show His love, and fulfill His calling in her life. In her own innocent and loving way, she tried to live out the saying, “Find a need and fill it, find a hurt and heal it.” She saw a situation that was hurtful to another person and had the confidence in herself, to believe there was something she could do to make it better.

Be Who God Meant You to Be

That’s what a world changer does. They see, and then they do something about it. World changers don’t just pay lip service ~ they walk the talk. They walk in integrity. They offer encouragement, compassion, and kindness freely and without hesitation. They realize it doesn’t cost to be kind, but that kindness offered spreads far and wide. Like a pebble thrown into a lake, it doesn’t just affect the one spot it lands, but rather it ripples out, touching and changing even what is much further away. Kindness matters.

Throw Kindness Around

We’re Growing Up

/ Tracy / Leave a comment

Last week was a big week for us… meaning for my daughter and I. She is almost 9 years old, and growing way too fast for me, and way too slowly for herself. Last week though was one to remember. It was the week she left.

Time For Change

All of her life, she has spent most of her time with us. There’s been no daycare, little babysitting (with trusted friends), and a small number of sleepovers (with the same trusted friends). And we homeschool. She did go on a trip with her dad last year (I had to stay home to care for the dogs ~ our pet sitter canceled at the last minute), but that’s just it… she was still with her dad.

This week though, she got to do something she’s never before done ~ she went to Kid’s Camp with our church. It was a wonderful opportunity for her, and of course, she had an amazing time. Truth be told, I knew she would. I signed her up, and I talked her into going. She was a bit reluctant at first, but the excitement quickly grew as she learned more about it. And of course, many of her friends were going.

Summer Camp

When it came time to leave for camp, she did great! Much better than I did. I had such a hard time letting her go. I knew she would love it, I knew she would have fun, and I knew she would have an awesome God experience, but still… it was hard to let her go… and I was a wreck.

But after hugging her about 7,240 times, I sent her off. I knew I could trust the people she was with. And I had a friend who would be keeping a special eye on her for me, who would also be sending me update texts and pictures, for my peace of mind. Still, I cried.

After an eternity 26 hours, she returned to me. She was safe and sound, energized, though exhausted, and most importantly,  she was touched by God. Also, she seemed a little older to me, a little wiser. And she was more connected to friends. I was relieved to have her home, thrilled to hear her stories, and proud that she did so well. (I was even excited to hear about the copious amounts of ice cream she ate ~ even for breakfast!)

Ice Cream Cones

She’s growing up and needing me less. She’s still a little girl, but she is changing into an amazing young lady. She is maturing and growing in her independence, and I marvel at the gift God has given me in entrusting her to me. I know that as much as she is mine, she is His even more. And I know that my greatest achievement will be in raising her to love Jesus and serve Him. And I’m grateful when I see glimpses of that in our everyday life, and when she goes away to camp.

Yesterday, in church, a video was played, showing all the kids and activities going on at Kid’s Camp. Of course, I eagerly looked for her… would I see her in the crowd? Yes, I did. Three times. And all three times that I saw her, I saw her doing the same thing… arms raised, worshiping Him. I felt comforted, proud, touched, and blessed. Seeing that did my Mama heart good. Seeing your child worshiping God is a pretty amazing thing.

Kids in Worship.jpg

What this experience has shown me is this… time moves forward, everything changes, children become more independent, and letting go is hard, though necessary. It’s also shown me that maybe she’s not the only one growing up (and having growing pains)… that maybe I am too.

 

Sweet n Salty Stovetop Popcorn

/ Tracy / Leave a comment

I love popcorn. I  really do. Always have. Well, except for air-popped. I just don’t like it that way. It’s too… bland. I mean, why have it if you don’t enjoy it? Isn’t that the purpose? And I know it isn’t particularly good for me (of course), but everything in moderation, right? So these days I don’t have it too often, but oh, once upon a time…

I Love Popcorn

Once upon a time, when I was young and single, footloose and fancy-free, careless and carefree, and before my metabolism betrayed me… Yeah, way back then… Things were different. I was different. I was poorer. Back then I had popcorn a lot. A lot. I would get home from a long, hard day of work, and popcorn was there waiting for me. And wine. Red wine. So that would be my dinner. Popcorn and red wine. Don’t judge me, it’s not like it was Ramen Noodles!

But times have changed, and I have changed, and though I still love popcorn (and have fond memories of my dinners of popcorn and red wine), I don’t eat it as much as I used to. I save those carbs for the wine (can’t have it all). Sigh. Sometimes I still get to enjoy it by myself. Other times, it’s with my family. I believe Charles M. Schulz put it quite nicely:

Love is Sharing Your Popcorn

One of the ways I’ve changed is how I make my popcorn. Back in the day, I would consume it by the bagful. Meaning, yes, it was microwave popcorn. Now though, I can barely tolerate that. Now when I make popcorn, it’s the old fashioned way ~ stove top. It’s so much better that way! And better for you too (not full of the dangerous chemicals that microwave popcorn is)!

So now I enjoy it, on occasion. Sometimes while watching a movie, sometimes while watching a political debate, sometimes while observing another’s drama… The point is, it’s okay to enjoy it! In moderation.

This recipe is so easy to make!

Sweet n Salty Popcorn

Ingredients:

  • ~ ¼ cup coconut oil (or canola)
  • ~ ⅔ cup popcorn kernels
  • ~ 3 Tablespoons butter, melted
  • ~ 2 Tablespoons honey
  • ~ 1½ teaspoons sea salt

Instructions:

  1. Add the coconut oil and 3 popcorn kernels to a large pot. (I use my Dutch oven.)
  2. Cover and cook over medium-high heat until all 3 kernels pop.
  3. Take the three kernels out of the pot.
  4. Add the rest of the popcorn kernels.
  5. Cover and take the pot off of the heat.
  6. Wait 30 seconds.
  7. Put the pot back on the heat. Cook, shaking the pot occasionally until the popping slows down.
  8. After about 2 minutes, and the popping has slowed down, take the lid off of the pot. This lets the steam out and keeps the popcorn crisp.
  9. While the popcorn is popping, melt the butter and add the honey.
  10. Pour over the popcorn and sprinkle with salt. Toss until completely coated. You could also do this in a large paper bag.

Note: If you don’t want the sweet, just eliminate the honey from the recipe. If you want more sweet, just add more honey. How simple is that?!

See? Easy-peasy! Now just grab a bowl, sit down, and enjoy!

 

But I FEEL…

/ Tracy / Leave a comment

Stop! Stop right there… Feelings cannot be trusted. Because I feel stupid, fat, and ugly. No, it’s not a self-esteem issue, it’s just how I feel lately. And hot. Oh, and crazy too. Really, there’s a whole list of derogatory words that I can use to describe how I feel these days. I know they’re not true, but still, the feelings creep up on me. Fortunately, with the benefit of therapy age, maturity, and wisdom, I now understand the difference between feeling and knowing.

What has brought about these derogatory feelings in my life? Two words ~ The Change!

7 Dwarves of Menopause

Now, I don’t feel all mopey because I’m going through it ~ in fact, I’m glad it’s finally happening. But I wasn’t prepared for everything I’m going through. Though in reality, how could I have been, as (like with pregnancy) it is different for every woman. There are 34 (or more) symptoms of menopause. YIKES! Here are some of my favorites (if only I could type in sarcasm).

Memory Loss and Brain Fog:

Can't Think

Memory Loss ~ Yeah, this has been fun. I can’t remember things. My short-term and recent memory are pretty much shot. Gone. MIA. I can’t remember if I’m coming or going. I can’t remember info I just learned. I can’t remember dates, appointments, or even plans with friends. I don’t recall recent events, impressions, or conversations! I’m lucky I’m able to find my way home every time I go out (so far!).

Brain Fog ~ Ummm… here’s the thing. I used to be pretty quick at understanding something. But now, if you want me to “get it,” you need to talk to me like I’m a 4-year old. Seriously. Otherwise that blank stare you’re seeing really does mean no comprende. And don’t even think of trying to make me hear, process, or understand something before 10 AM, cuz it’s just not going to happen!

A.D.D. ~ Don’t get me started on the epic level this has reached!

Stupid, Stubborn Weight:

Cat on Scale

Okay, if I’m going to be totally honest, I’ve had to battle my weight for several years now (stupid weight). However, I’ve always known what to do! I’ve also been able to adjust my eating habits and see a difference. This is no longer true. I am fighting harder than I ever have in my life, to not only lose weight, but to stop gaining it too!

So what’s changed? Everything! Everything I’ve learned about working out and being fit, no longer applies to me. What worked before doesn’t work now, and that is backed up by personal experience, as well as research. Now I’m trying to adjust, to forget what used to work, and learn what works now. And it’s frustrating… demoralizing… demotivating. Yes, a  personal trainer would be quite useful right now, but that’s just not in the budget. So I will continue to re-educate myself, push through, and persevere. It’s not about having a skinny body, but I do want to be the healthiest me I can be!

Thin is NOT In:

Eyebrows

Once upon a time, I had beautiful, thick eyebrows, and amazingly long, thick eyelashes. My hair was thick, though fine, and I had a lot of it. Yes, I was blessed.

My eyebrows were full and had a nice, natural arch. Occasional tweezing was all I had to do. My eyelashes were really long and had a lovely natural curl to them. Not only have I never used an eyelash curler, but I actually used to lament that my eyelashes were so long that they would brush on my sunglasses when I blinked (and that was without mascara)! (Yes, I know, I’ll feel no sympathy on this one.)

Oh, how things have changed. My hair isn’t too bad, because while I’ve lost a lot of it, I really did have a lot to begin with, so it doesn’t show too much. My eyebrows are sparse now, no longer thick. And they require a lot of work to look good. My eyelashes? Well, now they’re short and thin, even with mascara!

Feelin’ the Heat:

Hot flashes and night sweats… This pretty much sums up how I feel about that!

Definition of Hot Flash

Yep, that’s pretty much it. Thank God for Peppermint Oil (seriously, a must-have). And yes, I know what the triggers are, but frankly, if I avoid those, is life really worth living? I think not. Well, except for stress and anxiety, which are basically caused by menopause!

Hot Flash Triggers

Oh and, by the way…

Murder Sprees

In Conclusion:

So what’s a girl to do? Well, I guess it boils down to what I tell my daughter all too often ~ Suck it up, Cupcake! To the best of my knowledge, no woman has died from going through it. I’ll continue using my oils and supplements, I will continue to seek out the coolest A/C vents and most powerful fans, I will continue to obsessively write things down, and I will continue plotting murders in my mind. Whatever gets you through, right?

The Sacredness of the Pinky Promise

/ Tracy / Leave a comment

Mother n Daughter Swing

I blinked. I must have. I didn’t mean to, but surely that’s what happened. Just yesterday my darling daughter was a baby… it was yesterday, right? And now she’s eight (and a half, she would tell me), which may not seem too drastic, but it is to this Mama’s heart. I know she’s growing up. I know she needs to grow up, that it is all part of God’s plan, but does it have to be so soon?

It seems like every day, she needs me a little less. And while I’m happy that she is growing into a smart, independent, capable, young lady, I am also saddened because I know that each step toward independence takes her a step further from me. I look at this beautiful, sweet girl of mine, and I see the child less and less. It’s as if I’m looking at an image that is dancing in shimmering transformation, there, yet not there; the child fading into the future young lady, who elusively, isn’t quite there yet.

She knows I’m a wreck over this experiencing challenges with this, so she tries to help me. She reassures me that her growing up, and learning to do more on her own is all part of God’s plan. She tells me that she still needs me, that she’ll always need me, just in different ways. And then there’s this:

Pinky Promise

The pinky promise comes straight from the heart and is the most sacred, serious, vow anyone can ever swear to. If broken, the consequences are serious, devastating… life-changing, even. They are not meant to be entered into lightly. THIS is the promise my daughter has made to me… She has made this solemn oath to never leave me, to never move out, and to always need me. She has sworn upon the sanctity of the pinky promise, that when she gets married, her husband and children also have to love, need, obey, and want to live with me.

I must admit, this makes me happy! Perhaps a little too happy. But it gives me comfort when I see yet again, where she doesn’t need me to take care of her. The pinky promise is true, it’s binding. And I choose to trust in it.

So if that doesn’t work out, if she tries to leave me if anything changes, all is not lost. I still have another choice. If the pinky promise doesn’t hold true, I always have the option of… The Tower. The Rapunzel-style tower, that will keep her with me for forever and always. That works too, right?

Rapunzel's Tower

Yes, I joke.. but I know she is growing, and I believe she will make a great life for herself. And yes, I’ll be proud of her, no matter what. Actually, I already am!